A long hard erection
Monday
Starting the day with another round of Meow, Anya, Tonie – sadly I do not think I am ever going to be the winner in this game – it was nice to see that the sun was still shining. As I was getting a little tired of our morning romp around the garden and sometimes across the road or into other peoples’ gardens, my thoughts returned to getting the garden secure. Having gone out with my good intentions in full force and confident in my abilities, I soon found that trying to lift, unroll the mesh, hold it still and tie it onto the gates was not going to be a one person job. I went inside and got the staple gun for the section under the postbox where there was nowhere to fasten it and let Matt know that I would need some help. With the tiny section I had done in Matt was there to help get the gates secured, and with a bit of jiggery pokery we had meshed gates that from a distance you can’t actually tell the stuff is on there.
Next step is getting the fence posts in, with Matt and I putting in the first couple of posts and a brief consultation and test on the distance between posts – should it be 3 metres or 4 metres apart, we decided we could get away with 4 metres without losing the tension. Having determined this we now had a much clearer picture of what we needed, it was quite clear that the amount of fencing and posts that Chan and Matt had in stock were going to be a long way from securing 135 metres of hedge (yes that is just the side facing the road). So, Matt and I are off to our favourite shop Bricomarche for some additional supplies.
Once we are back I start trying to get the posts in, with fence posts that are almost as tall as me and a pole basher that weighs about a metric ton, this was no easy job. Several hours later and with some further help from Matt – when we realised the new posts were actually too tall for me to reach up and bash them in – Chan had also joined us as she had finished up her work for the day and we had managed to get 21 posts and 80 metres of fencing up. We were still a long way from the garden being secure but it was at least a step in the right direction.
Work done for today it was time to head inside and see what Mum had cooked up for dinner today. I don’t recall what it was but I’m pretty sure it was tasty. Time to relax and unwind.
[11 October 2021]
Tuesday
So, would you believe it, the day started with another game of Meow, Anya, Tonie and we tested the new fencing. It didn’t work out quite in the way we had planned…
With Anya having gunned it after the cat, under the hedge that was along the side road and lord only knows where. After quite a bit of calling her back she started to come back along the side with the fencing. All of a sudden she slammed her head into the wire mesh at quite some speed and was not small enough to get her body through the hole, although she gave it a good go. Obviously she’d ignored our exceptionally hard work just the day before. I managed to grab hold of her collar through the fence, but there was no hope of getting her under or over. Unfortunately, we were now both stuck, I had to keep hold of the collar and the dog was fenced out, not in, and everyone else is in the house 50-60 metres away.
Naturally however I would not consider going anywhere without my phone, so after a little faffing I managed to call Matt to get him to come and help me. I am pretty sure that he must have been laughing at me the whole time he was walking across the garden towards us; I can only imagine how ridiculous we must have looked. With Matt holding the lead inside the fence I was free to run around, take the lead from Matt through the fence and walk her back to the house where I was determined she would be staying for a while, if not the rest of her natural life.
Today’s random job was as to work out which methods were required / most efficient in getting the multiple layers of old paint off of the 3m tall wooden kitchen doors. After a quick rinse down it was clear that there were both gloss in parts as well as the many layers of emulsion on the rest. Matt and I had purchased a large tub of paint remover on our last Bricomarche trip, so after reading the French instructions – I had a guess at most of this – it appeared that you should leave it on for between 2 and 20 minutes… That is quite a difference and so would involve a bit of experimentation before I went at the whole door. With the test done, it seemed that it would somewhat unsurprisingly be 20 minutes, paste it on quite thick and then cover it with cling film to help keep the heat in and stop the stuff from drying out in the sun.
Mum’s been out making the most of the sun and took a rather fetching photo too. Anya also tried her best but Chan didn’t quite stay still long enough.
Yet more fencing to be done up at the top end but it’s coming along. It may even be finished the day after we leave 😉
Chan – One thing that definitely needs a good tidy up is the topiary. Until I inherited the cloud tree I never realised how much I enjoy this. Although on reflection I probably only like it when the person before me did a good job and I can cut back to their lines. Good job too as there really is a lot of it around the garden. Either way I’m pretty happy that they look more like balls.
Matt’s back in the kitchen preparing all the wiring ready for the new TV to be delivered. I’m sure he made it look much harder than it was, he spent forever on it. That didn’t put off Mum however who was rocking away to the music while tidying up before dinner. I have to admit that I really love her spirit and love of dancing.
Time for dinner and quiz shows before bed.
[12 October 2021]
Wednesday
Having done the testing yesterday, it seems that today is the day to really get stuck into this door… even if it is the last one I will do (well on this trip at least). Having taken yesterday’s lessons into account I find that I am going through the rather expensive wood stripper at a rate I don’t think Matt and Chan had been counting on, there was no way that even this large bottle was going to be enough to do both of these huge doors on both sides!
As I am busy stripping, mum has kindly volunteered to take Anya for her walk down to the lake again. Even managed to get Chan to join in for a bit, well all of about 5 minutes anyway before she had ‘more work to do’.
I’m starting to suspect that these walks are just an excuse for mum to go and drink wine away from us – apparently the people at the bar there already know to get a glass of white for her and bring a bowl for Anya… it seems that mum has become recognised in these parts quicker than Chan and Matt managed it (though I guess lockdown was not on their side).
15 minutes after mum and Anya have left, I am slaving over the door and hear a yell from the far side of the garden and over the wall “Anya is free!!!” This was not a scream I had been expecting to hear in rural France and somewhat jilted me out of the random musings I had been having. Whilst I thought at first I must have imagined such a thing, I looked in the direction the voice had come from and it slowly dawned on me that I knew that voice and had heard the familiar dulcet tones many times in my childhood – yes it was Mum!
Once I had managed to twig what was going on I promptly downed the tools and turned towards the front gate to go chasing after mum and find out what had happened. Lo and behold, trotting right up to me at just that moment was a happy little puppy who seemed very proud of herself that she had both managed to get herself home to me and also not made the same mistake as yesterday and getting stuck in the new fence.
Whilst Anya was here, there was no lead and no Mum in sight… Chan was gleefully bending down to Anya asking “What are you saying Anya? Has Mum fallen down a well?!” She thought this was hilarious, but granted, it was kind of funny but a little less so after the 10th time, didn’t stop her though.
Once Mum returned, we found out that having just gotten to the other side of the village there was a lead malfunction. As a car started coming Anya did not want to move onto the grass, a sharp tug on the lead led Mum to the realisation that she had missed the hook on the collar and instead connected this to the rather weak name tag hoop which subsequently split sending the tag flying and releasing the hound to an unexpected freedom. Naturally, all Anya really wanted was to get back to her mum and merrily ran back to the house with a somewhat unimpressed “Nanna” chasing after her.
Having put Anya on another lead, I walked with them both back to the site of the incident. I had a good look around in the grass to try and find Anya’s missing name tag, this is an essential piece of kit at home where they are mandatory on the estate. No luck this time but I figured I would come back later with a magnet and see if that would help, right now I had a door to work on and it was not going to strip on its own.
Happily, once much of the stripping had been done – or at least as much as seemed feasible with the tools at hand – it was time to bring out the big guns, aka power tools (YAY)!
By now mum and Anya have been back a while, Anya has been securely fastened to the tree where we can both see each other and I know she is not going to escape very easily.
It is at this point I would love to tell you that the tools did an epic job, I am a master craftsman and they looked good as new. However, as you will all know from having been reading this for more than a year, of course it wasn’t that easy. The result I came up with after quite a number of sanding sheets coming off the powersander was what I am going to be calling “Rustic French Farmhouse”.
This job, let’s call it complete, it is time for me to go and have a look for that missing dog tag. Armed with the trusty screw plate magnet thing, I am off on the hunt for something that “came pinging off, right about here somewhere”. With these trusty coordinates I am sure to find a tag that is about 4cm by 2cm right?
So, looking like a complete crazy person with Anya along for the trip, a number of French cars are passing the corner of the tennis courts where the earlier incident occurred. Me with my bum in the air, trying to tell Anya to stop pulling on the lead whilst scouring the patch of grass with the magnet was not what I think anyone had really been expecting late on a Wednesday afternoon. Just as I had given up this fool’s errand and was trying to recall where I had brought the item from. A glint, in the sun… could it be, stuck between a patch of long grass… you know what she’s only gone and bloody done it… I found it!!!
Back to the house and feeling rather triumphant, Mum was suitably impressed, particularly as once I found it, I also found out the blasted thing wasn’t even magnetic. Enough celebration, there is more work to be done before it gets dark. Since Chan’s finished work the dynamic duo were back to work on the fencing! Meanwhile Anya is tired after her trek and has taken a seat.
Next thing we know, the darkness is drawing in and as when we are kids Mum’s dulcet tones are back in the French countryside, this time calling us in for dinner. It seems we are in for a treat tonight, whilst mum thought she was buying minced beef at the supermarket today, instead she got prime ground steak… only one thing to do with the in France – Steak Hache and chips for all. Yay! Thanks Mum!
[13 October 2021]
Thursday
Tonia – Having been working super hard during this trip, Mum had decided that I deserved a bit of a break. This time I was invited on what had become her favoured walk with Anya to the lake for a spot of lunch. Whilst not sure if it was just to make sure that she didn’t lose the dog again, I am going to assume she just wanted to spend time with me that was not; watching tv, eating dinner or with one of us driving hundreds of miles. Weather was beautiful and Mum pointed out several things on the way including a rather nice Chateau near the lake. Apparently, while Chan and Matt did rather like it there were several issues, it was on the wrong side of the mountain would be in shade much of the time and the “garden” was basically forest up the side of the mountain, obviously no good for growing veggies or any of the other random things that take Chan’s fancy. They are very picky, particularly considering since it wasn’t even for sale. We also saw some rather large cows – the first ones Anya had ever seen and whilst interested from a distance I think the size put her off as we drew closer. For the Brits I refer you to the Father Ted sketch in the caravan “these are small, but the ones out there are far away”, for the non-Brits, just google it.
We made it to the lake without incident, yas, this is probably the first time I have been able to type this in this blog and particularly as we had Anya with us. We were situated at a table close to the lake, mum was merrily pointing out all of the other tables she had sat at during the last week when the friendly waiter Mum knew came up. As neither Mum or I are exactly the best French speakers we managed to muddle our way through with the usual pointing at a menu and hoping that we ordered what we thought we had. It turned out that whilst I had gone a little overboard on my charcuterie board, the food was excellent and I had some to take home to maybe share with Chan and Matt. For anyone planning a visit the chicken skewers are lovely and moist and the potatoes they came with were to die for.
Lunch over, it was time to head back, Anya tried to make friends wit a few of the French dogs as we took a slightly different route back.
Of course when we get back, there is… wait for it… yes, more fencing!
Having gotten rather fed up with the never ending fencing Chan decided that there were a few plants that needed re-potting, so ever helpful I decided to lend her a hand.
Chan – Looks like something fragile was delivered today. Not entirely sure what it is since it is nailed down and the king of ordering things is out. Unfortunately it seems that the delivery men weren’t quite as delicate with them as they should have been. I was a little concerned so took lots of pictures but the top was made of wood and seemed to be in one piece, as far as I could tell. He insisted that I signed the receipt before it came out the truck so wasn’t a great deal I could do, apart from prey that I didn’t have to go through the trauma of having to argue with the suppliers.
Turns out that it was the new shower tray and thankfully there isn’t any damage to it, the wood took the brunt of it. The remaining problem however is that this thing weighs a ton. I have no idea how we are going to get it up the stairs. Thank the heavens Tonia is still here!
Since the scaffolding was up in the kitchen Tonia went to change a couple of light bulbs and gave it a dust while she was up there, she’s a good half egg. Meanwhile Matt was down in the basement doing something with electrics, probably something to do with the new TV but I have no idea really.
Another job that needs doing before Tonia disappears is to get the last of the large piece of plasterboard up. It’s not incredibly difficult, at least with the lift, but it does need to be held well in place while a few of the screws go in or it’s likely to break and/or sit in the wrong place.
With the heavy lifting jobs done the team is dispatched and allowed to have dinner. [Basically Matt was over it and mother was beckoning.] Time to rest and relax.
[14 October 2021]
